forgiveness

Forgiveness, Wow, what a big word for so many people. It begins when we are forgiving of our self. We are worth a lot more than we give ourselves credit for. We are not to make anyone happy but ourselves and God has given us the wisdom, the will and the right to do so. We are born without guilt and only curiosity and admiration of our parents. Where we go from there is up to us. we tend to blame the way we end up on the people who raised us or the people we met in our lifetime. I have been the baby of a large family. one of over 35 grandchildren and was abused and molested. I quit school, ran away from home and found a way out of the abuse I was subject to. I knew that I would survive. I knew that my life would be better. I married into an abusive relationship and was even influenced by others to make decisions that were not good for my life. I decided that this was not the path I belonged on and forged forward into myself. Looking for what I was missing in my life. I found my second husband and had two more children. I found that I really liked children and that for some reason they liked me too. I moved from one job to another in the school system and and at the school where my husband teaches. I worked for GM as an office manager, did temp work for a number of companies and found myself wanting to be at home with my babies more than anything. I decided to stay home for a bit. Substitute teaching and having time for my family. I finally grew bored of cleaning my home and stumbling around in my Jammie's every day so I joined an MLM where you sell memberships to people to save them money. The membership is a great savings to many but the sales force became a nightmare with people stabbing people in the back and fighting to make money. I was really involved in the company when my 18 year old daughter died due to an auto accident on 4-22-2009. Brande was born 11/3/1089 and was my baby girl. She was going to college and doing all the things 18 year old do. I love and miss her so much. After her death I stayed with the company until I realized that I had become too dependent on the people above me. I waited on them hand and foot in any situation and traveled with them constantly. One day I went to meet them in Little Rock and they lied to me and would not answer my calls. They ignored me all night and I resented them for it. I got really drunk and really sick and blamed it all on them not being there for me. In reality it was not where God wanted me to be. I eventually gave up the business and focused on my life and what it means. I have still not really figured it all out yet, but I know there is something big coming and I am going to be a huge part of it. I have been speaking for my daughter since she died. I have been speaking for other people who need organ donation, and I know in my heart that God has a reason for what is happening. I am a volunteer for Donate Life and LOPA. I have all of the resources to be whatever it is God wants me to be. Since the book the shift and the video I found on qvc I have been really trying to focus on where I need to be and what I need to do for others. Where I am going and what I do depends on what I feel important and necessary. Right now selling memberships is not it. I am however playing tennis every Monday and Tuesday while building relationships with other women. I am working for a friend at H&R Block to keep me busy through this month of otherwise mourning the death of my child. Well I will still grieve and I will still mourn but I will not be alone at home doing it. I will be focused and fulfilled with love from friends and family. I feel physically tired but not from worry. I had a tummy ache from eating crab claws and marinade. I wish I could blame someone other than myself for my aches and pains. Oh boy.... How many times have you said that? Don't we just want to blame someone or something when things make us feel bad or just do not work out .

When we try so hard to figure things out the answer is usually right in our face. There is a time when people will feel inclined to do this for us. If we are made to help others they are apparently doing their jobs. We have to realize this when people go out of their way to help us weather we want their help or not. They are not only trying to help us, but they are helping themselves. Whether it makes them feel needed, important, fulfilled or just plain good, they are helping themselves by trying their best to help us. I know when I help someone it makes me feel good. I don't know how good it will make me feel until I finalize my commitment and provide the help they need, or that which I believe they need. I just know we are all here to do the one thing God created us for , help....

I have a few old acquaintances who are always willing to help, always willing to give advice to others in need of help regardless of the situation. Once when I was married to my first husband I had a situation that turned out to be very embarrassing because of these ladies. The women were all friends of my husband including his ex girlfriend. I ask a friend and his wife if they knew someone who did ironing. I don't mind cleaning, but I don't like to iron. So they gave me the number of an 80 year old man who's wife did ironing for others. I left the number on the kitchen table with intentions of calling this man to meet his wife when I received an invitation to lunch. The ladies wanted to meet with me which was very strange to me, but I agreed to go. They began to question me about an affair, about cheating on my husband as if they were really concerned. I told them that I had no idea of what they we are talking about. Then one of them piped up and told me that my husband found a mans number on a piece of paper and was concerned that I might be seeing someone. I laughed and told them it was really no big deal and explained who he was. Next I questioned my husband asking him why he would discuss this with his ex girlfriend before asking me who the number belonged to. He told me that it was because she was now his best friend and that he could talk to her about anything. First reason to abort the marriage. So I told the guy who gave me the number what had happened and he laughed. He waited until we were at the ex girlfriends birthday party and ask my husband in front of everyone if he thought I liked that 80 year old piece of ass better than I did his. Needless to say the women were just as embarrassed as the ex. They were helping for all the wrong reasons.

We know inside ourselves when we are truly helping others for the right reason. Not just to look or feel good, but because it is our purpose and what we were created for. That no matter what we do the help will be graciously given from our souls not our minds. The energy we create will be a positive energy or a negative energy. When we truly help the results are normally positive, or at least appreciated.